Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
