i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
