We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
