we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
