all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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