big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
