Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why do cheetos always look like penises
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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