She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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