my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
