I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
