He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
