That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
