Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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