Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
