I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
