Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
