I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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