oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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