she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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