yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
