new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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