You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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