thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
