I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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