So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
