the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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