Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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