I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
