You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
