Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
