it was like eating out sand paper
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
