An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
