I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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