i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
