Kiss
Puke
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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