I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
