Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
