remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i out mim tonsoeep
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