What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
