Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
