she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
