i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
