best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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