Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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