Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
