there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
