U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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