I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
