Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
