Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
