I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
