I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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