yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
