He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
