Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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