Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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